why i'm retiring from social media, & what that means for my business (and self)
At the beginning of this year, I made a vow to myself to regularly disappear from social media and AI, and always create more than I consume.
So over twelve days, together with ten other women, we logged off of socials and detoxed all the "noise" and stimuli (external voices, opinions, expectations and our own fears around being seen and perceived), as well as AI use, that naturally results when sharing our voice and work online. And today marks the last day of this timed offline journey... however, I have concluded that I am officially retiring from social media.
Honestly, although I have been intentionally going offline regularly, this decision still came as quite a surprise to me. Still, I wouldn't call it sudden, because deep down I know my nervous system, my mind and my creativity have been begging for it all along. I just didn't have the time and space to listen to them, until I gifted it to myself through these detoxes; and by intentionally creating liminal space. So, I guess these last twelve days were just the final straw.
I have so much to share and reflect about when it comes to this topic, so I have tried my very best to formulate and structure my thoughts below 𓆸𓏲
learnings & reflections from being 'offline'
𖥧 i don't actually care
Probably one of main reasons we stay on social media is because we are scared of missing out and of losing touch. As someone who had perviously suffered from extreme FOMO, I was particularly afraid of these scenarios. What if I miss something extremely important or valuable? What if my followers forget my existence? These fear-based questions kept ruminating through my mind, until I actually took the leap and went offline. Starting with staying off of any screens for the first 1–2 hours every morning, then implementing offline–sundays every now and then, as well as social media free days, until going completely offline during multiple weeks of travel. Each and every time I concluded that I don't actually care the way I thought I did.
You know, it kind of reminds me of my former toxic relationship patterns. The ones I kept staying in although deep down I knew they were hurting and draining me, but because it felt impossible to leave. It felt like mere survival. But once I did muster the courage to finally break it off, I realised that it was never love, but attachment. I realised that I didn't actually care, I was just "too close to the case", meaning I was clouded by being emotionally attached to the situation. I could not see the truth for what it actually was, and only once I broke free from these self-inflicted chains, I saw clearly again. Every time, I asked myself ashamed "how could I have neglected myself like that?"
And this pattern feels similar to the relationship I have with social media (and I am sure many of you can relate). When I am logged in, consuming and posting regularly, it feels difficult to leave. But when I am logged off, I feel free and clear. I feel my self. I realise then that I actually never want to return again.
What I am trying to say is that when I am disconnected from that digital world, I do not actually think about the 800+ people that I follow, and beyond. I do not think about the random posts and reels that would have appeared in my feed asking to be consumed. I do not care, because I do not know. It is only when we are constantly flooded with it, that we crave and devour it.
𖥧 we do hold the power to make an impact
The term"off the grid" has become quite a popular way of life over the last couple of years. Of course, originally it describes actually living independently without being connected and reliant on public networks and government-run systems. And while we often associate it with the physical realm, it also includes spiritual, emotional, creative independence. Most of us are well aware that all these big global platforms are owned by big tech companies. A rule of thumb for myself is always – the bigger the (tech) company, the bigger the harm. At the end of the day, these companies are going to do everything in their power to sell their products or services to us, and I think we often underestimate how enmeshed we are by their intelligent (and highly unethical) selling strategies. When we are using them, we are constantly bombarded and controlled without actually realising it clearly (too close to the case, as I shared above).
Still, thankfully, while there is a strong propaganda pushing the unnaturally fast–moving technological developments, there is also strong countermovements emerging and evolving... us. People are cancelling AI, logging off of social media, returning to in-person learning and gatherings. THIS is also transpiring.
So, let me ask you – what happens with companies who have no demand? Exactly.. they go bankrupt.
We are purposely made to believe that we individually hold no power. That we are doomed and might as well just hop onto trends and AI so we do not get left behind. They intentionally do all it takes to diminish our hope; a hope for a purpose-driven and natural way of being, inspiring and creating. But I am here to return your hope because (surprise) we do carry the power... more than we can ever imagine. I could go feral about this – witchhunting, neo feminism, patriarchy, hook-up culture, the pill, cosmetic industry... all of this and more, always circles back to the intentional suppression of the wild woman, the witch, la curandera, the woman that lives within all of us... even if she has been dormant for a while.
It's up to us to wake her, to claim her, to let her run wild and free. And I strongly believe that she cannot do so, when she is still trapped in the web of dopamine addiction, of consumption, of fear, of enslavement.
So how can we reclaim control, return to our own power and feed our hope? There are many ways, but the strongest one is boycotting the big unethical companies that basically run the world (and our minds). Netflix, ChatGPT, Claude, Google, Meta, Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, Spotify – of course these are just a few of them, but I assume they are the ones most of us are regularly using.
I don’t even want to get started on the devastating impact they are having on this planet, but one thing is certain: it is greater than we can even begin to imagine. From data centres that are wiping out the earth’s natural habitats for our wild kinship to memory loss (dementia) in young people, and so much more. But... we do hold the power. It stops with us.
And I am not asking you to neccessarily go cold turkey and just abruptly ditch all those helpful tools you are currently utilising for your livelihood. Healing from addiction takes devotion, patience, compassion. So I am simply inviting you to slowly find alternative ways (there are many). Step by step.
𖥧 we cannot lose the mask... & some moments are not meant to be shared
This is a strong one for me, and something I only came to shockingly realise once I went offline for a longer period of time.
I strongly value authenticity and vulnerability, and it is also how I share my work. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and want other's to really get to know me on a deeper level. I will sit with mama cacao, pour my heart out onto paper and create from that raw and honest space. My absolute favourite way of creating and sharing. And because I enjoy it so much and also feel the resonance on the other side, I never ever thought about quitting social media. It had felt like I had found my own healthy relationship with it, and that it did not affect my authentic self.
But the more intentionally and lengthy I disconnected from instagram (my most used platform and tool of expression), I could observe a difference within my body. A shift in energy, when I was logged in and logged off. I can't even put it into words, because it is something I simply feel. It's not loud or uncomfortable, but gentle and crystal clear. So when I returned after a week or more of not being on Instagram at all, it almost felt as though I was slipping back into a role that had developed quite naturally through sharing my work online.
How could I have believed that I was not wearing some sort of mask, when I was trying to belong to a world that wasn't mine to belong to?
We are in a time and age where we share everything online. It feels almost habitual for us to capture any moment and literally share it with the world. And it has evolved from inspiring moments to everything else – nudity, intimacy, tears, betrayal, drama, death. The more rebellious and controversial, the better. And I am not saying that all of it is wrong, because I do agree that these globally accessible platforms are incredibly supportive when it comes to creating (counter)movements and sharing our truths. But... I am also seeing that somewhere we are all trying to almost desperately just seek acceptance and belonging through all that we are sharing. We want to feel heard and understood.
I think our bodies, our hearts and our nervous systems aren’t used to this sort of overload. In the past, we knew little (if anything) about the secrets and feelings of people outside our family. Now imagine what that does to our bodies when it’s only early morning and you’re already aware of all the personal troubles and opinions of people you follow online but probably don’t even know in person. Imagine what it does to our bodies when first thing we see is tragic news and countless deaths. It's not about turning away from what's happening in the world, but choosing the right time for your soul and nervous system to be able to actually hold it (also, there is a lot of energy harvesting happening through intentional spread negativity and fake news).
And imagine what it does to our bodies when we are constantly being perceived by others. This is why I do not believe we can rid of the mask. No matter how authentic and raw we put ourselves out there, I don't think we are made to be constantly scrolling and sharing our heart's online... accessible to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Our energy is being harvested by others. And deep down we know this so we will always try to maintain some form of protection around ourselves. We will always slip into some form of public suit. Favourably, the online world makes it easy for us to warp and curate the way we want to be perceived.
As someone who loves her daily rituals and devotional moments with mama cacao and has also woven it into her own medicine/work, it has become a habit for me to share these intimate moments online. And although I am genuinely devoted to my rituals and ceremonies... it somehow started feeling like something I had to do. And so over the last two weeks offline I realised that I didn't carry my phone with me anymore while I was sitting in ritual or when I was laying on the rocks at the sacred river. And it was then that I saw how these once intimate moments had lost their sacredness through capturing them all the time, and sharing them. It grew into something to show off rather than just to be devoted to without having anybody nodding in approval. This radical honesty felt embarrassing, then so so liberating. That is the power of radical honesty, and it is the foundation for the path of unconditional acceptance that we ultimately must pursue in order to extend our gifts of healing.
I am not doing this for others, I am doing it for my own heart, and not every intimate moment is meant to be shared with others.
𖥧 real creativity & authenticity is born from facing the void
My whole life I believed that I was running away from feeling too much. From overpowering feelings like anger, grief, fear. And I guess in a way I was... but what I was actually afraid of was the nothingness that came before those feelings. The void.
And when I think about it now, in my teenage years and early adulthood I would forcefully create nostalgia and sadness. I would identify with my drama and emotions. And now I understand that it was out of distraction, because I did not want to feel nothing. Because who was I in that emptiness? In that humbling stillness?
After trying to outrun that emptiness and all that comes with it for most of my years, I concluded that it would always catch up to me. Even when I sold all my belongings on a journey to live as rootless as possible. Even when I spent all my energy on fighting for affection from emotionally unavailable people. Even when I numbed all my senses with substances. And even when I shape-shifted into a socially acceptable version of myself. It would always wait on the other side, even louder than before. There was no point in trying to elude it. So eventually I faced it.
And the void is not rainbows and sunshine. It is dark, it is death. And we have been taught to fear the darkness, the intangible, the unseen. It is where our deepest darkest secrets and shadows are treasured. To be in the not knowing, to feel helpless, ugly, feral. It is the in-between, the threshold from death to (re)birth. But it is also where our dreams and desires emerge from, when we find the courage to shed our skins. This is where we meet ourselves in all our raw originality.
The first time I went completely offline for 2 weeks, I immediately noticed how only after 48–72 hours my thoughts slowed down... drastically. At one point it even felt like the stillness was coming from within. I even lost the desire to listen to music. I felt my body craving that stillness that I had been avoiding all my life. Yet every time I return to this world of constant input and output, the overthinking and loudnesss returns. All the voices I bear that are actually not my own. We lose touch with what is actually our own authentic truth.
After all, how would there be any space for it when it's already overcrowded with those of others?
This is why I strongly believe that integrity, truthfulness and authentic expression can only be found in the void... in the fertile nothingness. In the void in which all is stripped away until the only thing left is us and all that wants to move through us. Hence, every time I returned into that offline void, I naturally gave birth to my most aligned offerings. And by sharing this, I don’t mean to set expectations, add pressure, or share some productivity hack. The actual real hack is to check in with yourself, to be fully devoted to your medicine, to understand the language of your own body and heart as well as the different seasons you move through... and simply allow them to take root and flower in their own rhythm.
𖥧 creativity cannot be fabricated
I regularly share my beliefs about the importance of cycles and seasons, but I am continually amazed and inspired anew by the cyclical nature of my own being, my creativity, and the life around me. And this touches on what I write about above, that there is no point in rushing or forcing anything. However, because we have grown attuned to using efficient tools like AI we have sped up our output extremely. We push ideas and offerings before the creative cervix is dilated. We try to bloom when we are still in winter. And the more I have devoted myself to relearn the language of my body, I understand her subtle signals. For example, I started noticing that anytime I would use AI to brainstorm ideas or to help me formulate my thoughts into writing, I would get a headache. I would feel icky and tired afterwards ... it did not feel fulfilling at all. I was forcibly trying to create something yet not understanding that if i was ready to give birth to a new creation, I did not need to rely on a robot.
And it's the same with our menstrual cycle. If we do not allow rest in winter, we cannot gather the needed energy to rise in spring nor blossom in summer. These seasons carry their own energetic blueprints, but they are also still interconnected with one another. Our bodies cannot bleed if we have not yet had our ovulation. Every single season serves its own purpose, and has its own superpowers. And whether we are speaking of our menstrual or our creative cycle, it is absolutely possible to fall in love with each and every one of them; and yes, even winter. The season of release, rest, death... and again: the void.
There is a reason why we have been disconnected from our cycles and why our blood has been shunned. Because a woman who knows how to harness these cyclical powers of each season and beyond, is a woman who is ungovernable, irrepressible, untamable.
I have come to learn that when I feel uninspired or uncreative, I am not broken. I am not failing at my work. I have not lost my spark. I am simply moving through a season of rest, of nothingness. And the emptiness that is moving through me is just as fertile as the season of bountifulness and birth. I am a woman, and so I will never remain stuck. I am cyclical, I am ever-evolving, ever-learning, ever-being.
𖥧 i didn't trust myself anymore
I am extremely passionate and strongly opinionated about this one. I think for the majority of us AI has slipped into our work somehow, somewhere. Whether that is intentionally through the use of AI when writing and creating, or unconsciously as nowadays there are so many tools that are run by bots that we are unaware of.
Either way, by using AI we are harming the earth and ourselves in ways we can't even fathom. But let's begin with us humans; We are guinnea pigs. The first generation that is exposed to almost continuous blue light, litte screens and hours of mass consumption. They have confirmed the risk of early dementia, but we do not know the other effects yet... until we experience them. But one thing is certain, we are making ourselves sick. We are losing our memory faster than ever before, and I could feel it first hand when I was using ChatGPT regularly. I could feel my brain cells slowly decrease into extinction, if I didn't stop it first.
We quite literally are allowing an artificial "intelligence" to take over our wording, our language, sometimes even our way of understanding our own emotions and body's signals. We lose trust in the way we use our own voices. We double check our writing by bots afraid that we are not comprehensible or professional enough within our art of expression... or worse, we outsource our "creativity". Why? Because we don't trust it anymore. We doubt our own ability to create. So how can we trust our medicine when we are constantly seeking approval from a bot? And why would someone else trust us if we don't even trust ourselves?
Since I quit AI, I have been feeling so much more expressive. It feels like I am learning a new language again! I have been looking up new words and synonyms, reading, learning, instead of lazily prompting. And that although I didn't even use AI as extensively as others might, so I can't even imagine the grave effect it might have then. Finally, I have rekindled that excitement and inspiration that comes with slow writing, and sharing my very own work. When and why did we start rushing our art? And apart from that, it is very obvious when a text is written by AI whereas I personally do not even put in the effort to read it... and don't even get me started on ChatGPT "designs"...
Generally, I can slowly but surely feel my self-trust returning. Almost every time I go offline and stop consuming and comparing (which happens naturally), I birth a new offering without anticipating it prior. And that birth happens organically, unforced, slow, sometimes faster. But I do not ask AI for approval, I do not let it formulate my deepest desires and truths into a generic sales text. I pour my heart onto paper. I let it germinate and rest. I allow the pregnancy of this idea. I return and add more. It's a slow process that requires a lot of devotion, but will also be the most rewarding. We learn to trust ourselves again, and I personally believe that is what we need to survive in this modern world. Because self-trust means also trusting your body's and heart's guidance, your inner compass. Again, it makes us untamable.
That being said, we need mother earth more than ever, and she needs us. My (controversial) belief is that we cannot love and connect with the earth when we are contributing to her daily destruction at the same time. Google Drive, One Drive or Apple Cloud, Chatgpt or Claude (and so much more) are the reasons we have building countless data centres around the world, close to nature. And again, it is happening because we are using it and too lazy to find alternatives, or to return to an organic way of life and creation.
𖥧 there was never a lack of time
I have a list of countless inspiring books I want to read but somehow I never found the time to read them. Or rather: I never made the time. When I look at my
daily screen time, I am shocked. Whether it's 2 or 5 hours, think about how much time in a day that is? How much fertile soil turned into wasteland?
And again, it is in these blissful offline moments when I finally decide to turn to those books waiting to be read.
And yes, in some way, reading is also a form of consumption. But in my opinion there is still a huge difference and we are not here to strip away all that brings us joy. For me, reading is an invitation into imagination, into fantasy. As a little girl I used to be so dreamy and imaginative, I would disappear into books and drawings all the time. I would hide out in nature speaking to animals and fairies. My mind's eye was so colourful and rich. And somehow today dreaminess has become a flaw and something we need to justify to be perceived as normal. Of course, it’s just as important to have both feet firmly planted on the earth, but since when have we actually come to believe that it’s strange to talk to our earthly family... or worse, that it’s some kind of mental illness?
Anyway, this is not the point! What I realised for myself is that there was never a lack of time, but a lack of discipline. And a distortion in my priorities. Technology makes us lazy. It's easier to just play your favourite tv show or scroll through reels than to expand your mind's eye and dive into a book instead. I get it. But, again speaking about our body's language, I would always feel uncomfortable in my skin after watching a series or short-lived videos. After reading I always feel inspired.. and usually once I start, I can never put my book down.
And this obviously also applies to other things that we deep down crave, but are too lazy to listen to. Whether that frolicking outside, checking in with our womb and heart, meditating, moving, singing, writing, sitting in ritual, creating. Again, imagine how much time we would actually save for all these things that nourish our souls if we were to cut our screen time by even just a half?
𖥧 i get most inquiries when i am not posting
The most obvious proof that trying to command resonance and creativity just does not work is that I always get the most business inquiries when I'm offline, when I am not trying. Every single time. In fact, earlier this year, when I had set aside all my work for a month and went completely offline for half of that time, I returned to the most abundant month I had thus far in 5 years of self-employment.
It's because I was letting go of trying to control the outcome. I was no longer resisting the inevitable seasons and all that flows with each one of them. Now, I am in deep surrender. And at the same time I am filling my cup with things that bring me joy. Because if there is one thing I have concluded after being self-employed for these years it is that I am not merely doing it for the monetary outcome. I am doing it because I believe in it, but also because I want to be the creator of my own life and not fall prey to the system (circling back to "off the grid" at the beginning of this blog). To follow not only the creative desires, but also every other desire.
And this is where branding comes into play. Having a (brand) vessel that can hold you while you dream big, create, explore and rest is so valuable as it allows the nervous system to settle and the inner wild woman to run free... but without the risk of getting lost. As women we are naturally free-spirited and multi-passionate, we crave to make love with life, we want to stand atop the mountain and howl with the wolves. But in this hardened world we often tend to numb down our desires for they feel to big and lush, for we were taught that success and abundance is based on constant productivity and big numbers.
To me personally, success means to be able to live life, on my own terms. To be as free as possible. To have a brand that holds me while I disappear into the mountains, and welcomes me again when I return with sparks of inspiration. A space that feels like coming home, and at the same time allows others understand and see my heart, my medicine, my journey, me. And I guess this basically sums up all that I shared in this post, because I do not want to depend on a social media platform to share my medicine. I trust that my people find me, as they have before. I allow my brand to hold me. I surrender.
𖥧 my medicine is valuable
And lastly, every time I put away my phone for a longer period of time, I realise that I am already rich, I am blessed and I am in fact very wise. Often, when we spend time on social media, we fall into the trap of comparison (whether consciously or subconsciously). Of wanting more and more. If we have that, then maybe we will feel less lost or if we look like her, then maybe we fill be more confident. And this also feeds into the lack of self trust I shared above, because we start doubting the value of our wisdom. Everything is already out there, so what's the point in sharing our heart? And again, when I do not know what's out there, I am simply following my inner guidance and the expressions moving through me. I am opening myself up to receiving ideas and inspiration. I am not basing it off of trends or fear but of what I genuinely want to birth and share with the world. There is no room for self-doubt because I have nobody else to compare it to. What I carry within me is medicine and it is my responsibility to put it out there in whatever way feels good in my body. And while social media has really been such a helpful and inspiring tool for me in the past and as my brand was still growing her roots, I now feel the time has come to let go. To find new (or I guess old) ways of sharing.
but are there are other ways to share my medicine?
Because of all I shared in this post and more, I want to follow my inner guidance and step away from social media. I want to return to a simpler way of life and of creating. I want to spend my time with the earth, with loved ones. I want to spend my time creating - for my business, and merely to get my hands dirty. I want to live life and not waste my time consuming. I have probably spend at least around 800 hours this year on my phone, that's more than 30 days. Imagine what I could have done in that time?
And as I mentioned I can see and feel that there is a big countermovement happening where people are craving less screen time and cancelling AI, which is why I strongly believe that it is indeed possible to share my medicine without these mediums. And I am SO excited for it. I am excited to return to slower ways of creating. I mean just this blog post alone probably took me around 12 hours, if not more... and I could have gone on forever and ever. I remember when ChatGPT first became a thing, I would just post like five blog posts in one day. I really thought it would change the game because I could finally create efficiently and as fast as possible. Little did I know that it would dim my own creative light and my gift for words. And now I’m sitting here, rediscovering the joy of pouring my heart onto paper; snuggled comfortably in bed with a hot water bottle and chocolate mousse, candles by my side, and the scent of incense enveloping my senses. Ahhh, isn't that just what every woman dreams of?
Also, I do want to make clear I do not want to stop supporting the women that deeply inspire me. There is still a lot of content I actually do want to continue "consuming" by them, creative women that spark my own inner fire, the work I genuinely am interested in. And yet, Instagram is not the only place to do so, but there are so many other ways to stay in touch and to support and learn from each other. Whether thats by subscribing to personal email newsletters, supporting substacks, co-creating, investing in offerings, sending personal emails, or even going completely analog and sending a love note (i personally think we should do this much more often anway!) ... there are countless heart-fulfilling ways to support and engage with one another, that are not social media (and I can assure you that the majority of us yearn for a new way of existing, off the grid ◡̈ )
so where do I go from now?
Honestly, I don't know. I have no plan yet, because as I made clear I like going with the rhythms. But I have a feeling that it wont take much longer before I step away. But before I do that, I want to expand my community and hopefully bring more like-minded souls into my corner of the world. I'm also currently dreaming up a membership space that encompasses much of what I’ve shared here. I wish to create a space attuned to the aforementioned rhythms (the moons, the seasons, the inner cycles) that give us a sense of stability and containment while we find the freedom in expressing ourselves, on our own terms and at our own pace. And I’d like to offer regular digital detoxes, cacao dietas, a sanctuary for writing and creating free from consumerism or outsourcing. Yayyy I cannot wait to share it with you!
So as I prepare my sweet escape I will create a little something as a supportive tool for you too, if you ever yearn to take this step too, whether fully or partially. These are never "shoulds" and nothing is black or white, these are merely invitations. Again, I am sharing all of this because I deeply believe in it. As a virgo-libra cusp and moon in libra, I have an extremely strong sense of justice but in a way that might seem a little controversial in modern society (I like referring to myself as a gentle rebel hihi). I’m not an activist, nor am I someone who speaks out loudly, but if you ask me, I have a clear opinion. Many things are close to my heart, and this is one of them. And I don’t want to put myself above others with this, because I, too, am part of everything that’s going wrong. I’ve used AI a fair amount. I still order from Amazon sometimes. I’m signed up for Google Drive and Gmail. I have Facebook and Instagram. I, too, am still a part of it all.. and I think that what I’m writing here is not only a source of empowerment for you, but also for myself. I want to be held accountable. I want to bring about change, not just for myself, but above all for our mother earth. She is the root of all that exists, and we have evolved into a society that feels superior to her. We feel separated from her, which is why we take it upon ourselves to simply destruct her for our own pleasure and to satisfy our whims. In writing this, I feel sad. I suffer with her and want to make amends. I also believe that our creative expressions are channeled through us. Mother earth is a powerful, if not our greatest, channel and teacher, and as soon as you find your way back to her, I promise, it will change the way you dream and create and love forever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: let's really take a critical look at our habits. Let's redefine our priorities. Let's remember where we came from and who we really are.. because once we do, we'll never reach for our phones again.
Also if any of this resonates, I am soon re-opening a journey close to my heart called “Devotion to your Medicine”. It is a 4 week journey in alignment with the lunar cycle and the energies of the moons we will be gathering under. My deepest intention behind is for you to return to the purpose of it all, to your medicine. I speak a lot about devotion in general as I strongly believe our ideas and business cannot blossom if we do not mother it, if we are not genuinely devoted to it. It is the part that cannot be strategised nor optimised, but simply felt and deepened. Few spots left, meet you under the full moon in taurus 𓆸𓏲
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